Things that Make Me Very Upset

• lice
• hives
• peanut butter hands
• missing remote controls
• overflowing trash bins
• sticky floors

There are many other things that disappoint or disturb me, but today, this is the list.

Lice
After just having a conversation about lice my head began to itch. In fact, it itched again just now when I wrote that. The power of the mind eh? I cannot fathom how I would cure Jake of lice should he ever contract it. Even in his sleep he moves pretty fast for a kid with cerebral palsy... dewd you should see him dodge scissors.

Hives
I did have hives this morning, and now that the Benedryl is wearing off I am beginning to feel the welt rise up again. Becuase, uhm, you now what I was thinking? If it gets too easy, add hives. HIVES! Really God? Really? Has someone set a plague upon my house? Why? Is it all those times I throw my Diet Coke cans away in the trash can when I'm at the gas station, instead of saving them for when I get home to recycle them? I feel really badly about that.

Peanut butter hands
My sister can't stand banana hands, I don't deal well with peanut butter hands. I don't know many people who actually enjoy this thing, but peanut butter hands lead to peanut butter walls and peanut butter cars and couches, and one of my dads is anaphylactically, deathly allergic to peanut butter, and while he is not in my home often, he is in my car periodically, and that whole CSI thing reminds me that there is transfer, from one place to another, and that's ALL I NEED TO DO is go and CIL my dad. So poor Jake has to be hand fed his sandwich so as to avoid too much PBT (that's peanut butter transfer), which makes him a bit upset because he thinks he's all cool and independent now that he's 9.

Missing remote controls
This only happens in my house when Lucy is crying about "needing" to watch Little Bear. The only other time the remote control goes missing is when we want to change the channel.

Overflowing trash bins
I like to pretend that I don't hang a 33 gallon trash bag off the side of my counter every other day, but it seems there is always a giant black trash bag tucked into a drawer next to the stove. I'm not sure when I started this habit, but I hate emptying the 10 gallon trash can under the sink every five minutes, and going to the large bin outside on the deck seems too dauting for every scrap. Oh and I have a brown paper sack kicking around the kitchen floor too.. for the paper recycling.

Sticky floors
It's not secret that Jake is a messy eater, and he loves to do drive-by snacking, where he picks food off the counter and marches off throughout the upstairs, and backyard if he can. If he is really hungry, and I am not paying attention for 3 minutes he has been known to grab a piece of fruit out of the fruit bowl to eat. This is generally fine. Messy-ish, but fine. Unless he gets a home-grown and surprisingly not-sweet tangelo. He took one the other day, and when I saw his puckery face from across the room I knew exactly what he had tasted. When I went into the hall, I saw the first bite, small, to get through the rind, on the ground. Next there was the actual bite he took which made him pucker. It was spat out on the ground and stepped on with his precious little shoe. Finally there was the rest of the tangelo, lightly clipped by his gigantor foot, the innards of the citrus splayed out across the hardwood like an image from Wheels of Tragedy.
I cannot get the sticky off the floor. Or maybe it's just now on every shoe in the house.

Hives
Did I already say hives? Okay, must go itch now.

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And She's Out...

I sat there last night frantically trying to finish my work before I threw up on my computer. I thought I was feeling better, but last night was the worst all week. This half-flu half cold thing does not suit me well. I feel just better enough to do things, then I crash and burn.

I think I am the kind of person who really needs to, I don't know, break. my. leg. before I slow down. Don't give me half illnesses, because I will still feel full-guilty for not accomplishing things. Then when I half-finish, half the things I should do, it will make me want to crawl under the covers when I eventually am well.

I have spent a lot of time with Jake lately since he's been home sick too, and I am just so proud of him, and happy for our family. He's so engaged with the world around him in ways I haven't seen before, or ways I've seen, but now others can see it too. He's tracking conversation and having reactions in the moment, which has happened in the past, but now I feel like he's really "here" all the time, and others can see his reactions as well because they aren't as subtle. He laughs at jokes, and smirks and chuckles when Lucy is being a brat about something. He's been following some directions in such a timely manner that it appears he is actually following the direction. We always give him the direction we want verbally, then usually give him a physical prompt to tell him what to do next, but twice this week (at least), I have said to Jake, while he was at the bottom of the stairs "C'mon up buddy, it's time for dinner." ...and he has come up the stairs and gone to the counter! He has gone into the bathroom with only a verbal prompt, sat down in his chair several times. This bodes well for Jake demonstrating safety awareness.

He's also doing a lot better at making choices using icons and the actual item, and of course I am most pleased when he makes choices between my two hands after I tell him what each hand means. "home" or "park", "ice cream" or "cookie".

The other night Jake came in to my room while I was folding laundry (see mom I do fold laundry sometimes). This was after Jake had gone to his room for the night, but before Lucy and Descartes had come downstairs to "watch a show". I asked Jake if he wanted Daddy to come down and watch a show with him and he made his happy "aYeah!". Descartes came down and the boys watched Top Gear which, along with Mythbusters are two, that's right TWO television shows that Jake seems to enjoy. Most people don't actively encourage their kids to watch television, but for Jake to show preference means he is paying attention to what's happening in his environment, and for him to enjoy programming that happen to be two of his dad's favorite shows, provides one more point of contact for engagement. It also means there is one more thing we can add to the (short) list of things grandparents can buy him for Christmas.

I discovered Jake likes Mythbusters a couple of months ago when he was sitting on the edge of one couch, and Descartes was on the other. I went in to speak with Descartes, sat down on the ottoman, and Jake said, "Ma-aw" in a gentle, but irritated voice. I realized that I was in his line of vision. Descartes spouted that I was a better door than a window, Jake laughed as I moved, and then settled down and proceeded to watch the rest of the show!

Progress, little steps, a happy child, not-so-stressed-out parents...all very good things.

*****

Descartes has just awoken from his pre-Superbowl nap, so now that he can keep on eye/ear out for Jake who is playing solo in the extra-locked down back yard, I am comfortable crashing in bed for a few more hours. I asked Descartes to record the game so I can watch the commercials later.

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Surprise! Seriously? Yes Seriously

My sister rocks. I have an awesome husband... and in case you were wondering, I also have some very fun and lovely friends.

I actually was surprised on Friday night. Now I don't want to be cynical or anything, but I am not surprised very often, not by bad behavior, people who steal my wallet, traffic, weather changes, or poopy diapers as we are walking out the door. I have learned to anticipate almost every single one of life's little disasters because they all happen to our family, every single time they can. So, you know, I am not surprised.

I am however, completely taken off guard when people a) like me b) do nice things for me without me being in complete crisis c) take care of me without me knowing what is going to happen next.

My sister Demanda managed to gather up some of my favorite women, and make a plan to go out on Friday night they all kept the secret! We picked them all up on Friday night in our AdventureVan and went to three of my favorite places.. all to celebrate my birthday!

I was supposed to have Demanda and Jaster and her boys for the night because I thought they were headed down to the OC and stopping on their way through. When she got here I kept asking her, probably more than 5 times if she was kidding; if perhaps there weren't actually three boys hidden in her suitcase or something. But no! She came all on her own, and said she had a surprise for me.. and [gasp!] I should go take a shower and look beautiful. I started to cry because I feel like I plan every single thing ever, and here was something fun that was going to happen and I was not responsible! I had already had a day filled with snotty noses and crying children and earaches and trying to work while my precious little Lucy climbs all over me and reminds me that I never play with her because I am always working. It had really been a fun day.

Then Descartes came home from work early, with champagne, my favorite thing in the world besides my family and friends. He popped the cork, poured me a glass and I ran downstairs and got gussied up. I even put on my new boots. I know they are so ridiculous aren't they? I love them. I had already secured a babysitter, thinking that we would just go to dinner downtown with my sister.

The three of us scooted on down to Savvy Cellar where we devoured some charcuterie and some [more] champagne. Then zipped back up the hill to get the first gal on the list. Yay!

Sage was waiting in her front window, and I immediately understood why she had tried to convince me earlier in the day to stop cleaning up for my sister and take a nap. Next, we went around the bend and picked up Strecks, which is really lovely, since she's a new friend to me this year. Her daughter was the very first person Lucy played with on the very first day of preschool. Those girls are total BFFs and I think Strecks is very cool. She's also a good liar because she asked if I wanted to go to Bingo night, when she knew that we would both be drinking up delicious wines instead.

Then we went all the way up the next hill, because apparently everyone I am friends with or related to lives off the side of a hill or a mountain... and picked up Squid and Jenijen. Squid of course is also a sweet deceiver because she tried to make all of these elaborate plans to maybe meet up for a drink, but you know "maybe she wouldn't see me" because she and Jenijen were going to be seeing Avatar (and here is where I stopped and spent about 20 minutes trying to turn a beautiful picture of Squid into an Avatar. Here is a tutorial if you are thinking about it yourself. I am not that cool, nor do I have that kind of time.)

We also scooped up Pollyanna (from up on her hill) who brought along with her a horrid cool birthday sash for me to wear. It read "Birthday Princess, and I was "required" to keep it on until I finished my first beer. There was a sparkly wand too! MaryMoore met us at the bar (she had driven from her hill too.. jeesh I am serious.. everyone lives on a hill).

We took over a few tables outside at The Refuge, one of my favorite places to go. Jaster, Demanda, Squid, Seymour, Descartes and I have all put a dent in this place before both together and separately, so it was sad that Jaster couldn't be there because hey... Seymour joined us too! We were kind of crunched into the table, so much that I couldn't even get up to kiss anyone goodbye (sorry Seymour), but it was a nice kind of cozy, and the beer is just so good. They no longer carry my favorite Allagash Curieux so I had to switch to a new one Koningshoeven Quadrupel, which was also heavy and delicious. We had all sorts of ales and eats. It was lovely and lively and there were cupcakes from Vanilla Moon which were really decadent and with so many flavors to choose from, made me feel like I was tasting wedding cakes all over again.

We wrapped it up and headed down the street to Cask. We lost Seymour and MaryMoore, but settled down with some red, white and champagne. It wasn't very crowded so we got a real chance to talk and laugh, and take a few photos. We closed the place, and our trusty driver, Descartes shipped our tired bodies around town, dropping ladies off on doorsteps.

It really was a lovely evening with great people and wonderful food and drink.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

(All pictures by jenijen, unless she was in it, in which case I probably took it. There are more pictures coming...)

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My Bad Dreams: MMR, Wakefield and Advocacy

It doesn't happen often that I am asleep for enough hours in a row to dream, but last night I got there. Unfortunately my only dreams were those of unvaccinated children, and sickness and rallies and something about a huge "pile of advocacy" that I was responsible for sorting and re-building properly so we could all climb to the top. Yeah, very restful.

After the news yesterday that the General Medical Council found Andrew Wakefield "had acted 'dishonestly and irresponsibly' in doing his research." My stomach just sort of kept churning.

You see, this just means more children will go unvaccinated and be exposed to horrible diseases, and it means I have more work to do. Anyone who does not believe that vaccines caused their child's autism has even more work to do now, because Wakefield just got more air time. Andrew Wakefield's unethically performed project now has another platform to do damage, because his supporters are loud and they have a passion that is untethered to reality. In the face of science and studies and information, they cling to anecdotal evidence, and if they are threatened with truth they do not calmly listen or examine where their logic may be false. Instead they insult people (like my brilliant friend Kristina), or they leave nasty notes here on my blog, and on other advocates pages. With Wakefield in the news, the media will go round and round again about "the controversy" of vaccines (like that news guy I used to like Matt Lauer). The Age of Autism herd, Jenny McCarthy and her McAutism clan have more things to set on fire now. All of Wakefield's supporters will just add this to the list of "big pharma" and "government" keeping us all in the dark, harming children on purpose. They must come to his defense because the truth would be too painful and would undo their entire existence.

So now I need to push more for real help for families affected by Autism. I am not going to say I am on the "other side" because I fight for those people's children too and for all those children who are "healed" but still need a full-time aide. I don't want there to be sides, I want all of our children to get the help they need now. I want families to have the support they need, and I want my child to have a place to live when he's grown and I am gone. So it's back to work.

Here you can sign the petition to encourage First Lady Michelle Obama to meet with Autism Families because when Wakefield's bogus findings show up on the news, monies are swayed away toward vaccine/autism "research" instead of helping actual families.

and don't get me wrong, I am very glad Wakefield was officially, and for public record, found to be unethical. After reading through most of the 143 page document, it is clear that he went rogue and did not act in the best interest of those children. But because of this statement:

The Panel wish to make it clear that this case is not concerned with whether there is or might be any link between the MMR vaccination and autism.

I will be most happy when his name can slip off the front pages and we can all get back to the business of caring for our children.

Thank you to Shannon Rosa, Liz Ditz, BBC news, and Brian Deer

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Breakfast Cookies

(this is cross posted at (Never) Too Many Cooks where I had a sneaky little guest post.)

My son eats a lot of food. No really, a lot of food, and since he has a physical disability, he needs quite a bit of help at meal time. Breakfast is always a blur at our house, and in an effort to be most efficient, get out of the house on time, and offer Jake more opportunity for independence, we have tried every cereal on the market. They all end up in little pieces at the bottom of the box, or scattered all over the floor. So we want him to be able to feed himself, and it has to be fast, and his sister has to like it. Frustrated by the $4.00 price tag on 5 ounces of granola nuggets, I decided to try to make cereal cookies. This is my first try. It is basically a takeoff on any oatmeal cookie recipe, with cereal instead of the oatmeal.

I use a professional grade KitchenAid stand mixer and aluminum jelly roll (cookie) pans in a non-convection electric oven.

Ingredients

• 3 eggs (I used large, not extra large)
• 2 sticks of softened butter (I do not ever bake with margarine)
• 1/2 cup brown sugar
• 1/2 cup white sugar
• 2T vanilla extract
• 1 cup white flour
• 2/3 cup wheat flour
• 3/4 tsp baking soda
• 3/4 tsp baking powder
• 1 15 oz box muesli cereal (I used Safeway brand)
• 1/4-1/2 cup oatmeal (as much as needed to make the batter more on the stiff side.)

Directions

1. Pre-heat oven to 350F
   
2. Cream butter and sugars
3. Add vanilla
4. Add eggs one at a time, beat until smooth
5. If you are a good person you will sift your flours, baking soda and baking powder. But since you are not a superhuman, just try not to have any hard nuggets of baking soda or baking powder..then with the mixer on a low to medium speed, slowly add the flours, baking soda, and baking powder.
6. Mix in the box of muesli. You could hand mix at this point, but I have a heavy duty stand mixer, so I make it do the work.
7. Add in the oatmeal a little at a time until the cookie dough is more on the stiff side.

I use cookie sheets with parchment paper to cook most all of my baked goods. It allows me to place all of the batter onto the sheets, then I can slip baked goods onto the counter and a new sheet with raw dough onto the sheet and pop it back into the oven faster. No lag time between baking and I don't need to get my hands dirty very 13 minutes.

I tested three different sizes for the cookies. A 1 tablespoon dough ball makes a normal-size cookie, and was more on the soft side. A 1/2 tablespoon dough ball, made a small cookie, and would probably work just fine for most people, but I really wanted them to be "one bite" cookies so there would be less of a chance of my kid taking a bite then dropping the rest. I settled on a fat 1 1/2 tsp. So I just scooped up batter 1 tablespoon at a time and divided it into four little dabs. This made cookies slightly larger than a quarter, which was perfect for my family.

Bake cookies for 13 minutes at 350F, slightly less time if you want them softer; we wanted crisp. This recipe makes uhm, a lot of little cookies; it filled a 10 cup container.

I do not know how long these keep, they were finished within 3 days. Even my husband ate them (note to self: do not tell husband that muesli has dates or he will never eat them again). I have several other types of cereal in the cupboard, so I'm going to keep making different kinds until I can find the tastiest, highest protein, lowest cost, batch of breakfast cookies that my family will still eat. Once I figure out a few that work, my goal is to get a ton of cereal on super sale, then spend a day and make batch after batch of breakfast cookies, and freeze them in 1 gallon zip-top bags. I'm sure they will freeze well, since oatmeal cookies do. Of course the way my family mowed through them, it's possible I won't need to freeze any at all.

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I have a lot to say

about the recent BBC news report on the findings of the General Medical Council who found Andrew Wakefield "had acted 'dishonestly and irresponsibly' in doing his research."

But before I write down all of my feelings I need to reread the actual report
find it here: http://www.rescuepost.com/files/facts-wwsm-280110-final-complete-corrected.pdf

because unlike those AofA people I want to read, and think before I speak.

but I will say, that this does not surprise me:

"The doctor who first suggested a link between MMR vaccinations and autism acted unethically, the official medical regulator has found."
BBC News

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If You Don't Try, You Can't Fail

So I've been thinking lately that I have been holding back...sort of unwilling to unleash myself on the world,

because I don't want to fail.

It's not specific things, it's sort of a general feeling, though there are certain markers, like I haven't been writing as much here or anywhere. I just sort of feel stopped. or stunted. or hesitant. or unsure, or like I am playing it all a little too safe? (the picture to the left is Lucy when she was, uhm, 6 months old? *way* too young to be holding up a helmet that big, but Descartes title this photo "Safety First" and it cracks me up every time I see it.)

I think I have spent so much of my time worrying about Jake's school placement, that when he settled in to the Morgan Center so quickly I did not quite know what to do with myself last semester. As relieved and grateful as I am, I feel like I lost my footing. A little bit similar to the time in my life (13 years ago this week!?) when I stopped writing dark and dreary poetry because I fell in love with Descartes and I was so joyous, and found myself so enamored, bewitched, captivated and charmed by him that I had no room left for all that angst.

It's just a quirk, a little glitch, but I really do feel off kilter.

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"Nobody in Life Gets Exactly What They Thought They Were Going to Get"

Descartes just quipped that it took Conan O'Brien leaving the Tonight Show to get us to watch it again, which may be true, but I do think he's a good guy, more in the vein of Johnny Carson instead of Jay Leno.

from his farewell speech last night, :

"All I ask of you is one thing: please don't be cynical. I hate cynicism -- it's my least favorite quality and it doesn't lead anywhere," he concluded. "Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen."

- Conan O'Brien, The Tonight Show, January 22, 2010

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Current Curiosities

• how did I lose my cell phone case, but keep the cell phone?
• how did my house get this messy *while we were sleeping*?
• why didn't we start watching "Making Fiends" a lot sooner?
• why is Conan going off the air and Jay Leno coming back?
• why did I let a three year old learn about the joy of bubble gum?
• where is that bag?
• why won't my bangs grow?
• how did the Birthday Girl get on to the bar last night while wearing that dress?
• how am I going to entertain my children today?
  

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Helping in Haiti

Our family donates to the Red Cross, Descartes having seen them in action when he lost his family home in the Berkeley/Oakland Hills fire.

They have made it very simple to donate. Simply text Haiti to 90999 to donate $10.00 to Red Cross efforts. It will be billed to your mobile phone bill.

I also received the following list of charities from Lucy's school. It was compiled by the National Association of Independent Schools.

• Mercy Corps
• Save the Children
• International Red Cross
• World Vision
• Catholic Relief Services
• UNICEF
• International Medical Corps
• Network for Good
• CARE
• Operation USA
• Operation Blessing International
• Convoy of Hope
• The Global Syndicate
• GlobalGiving
• Beyond Borders
• Network for Good

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